Bedroom lazy update!!!

This is my room right now except I cropped out all the mess. This is the wall paint I ended up choosing - A hideous shade of yellowy beige. Instant regret! It's so fug and depressing and I'm probably going to change it into something soothing like a cool shade of grey? But the entire apartment is fucking grey (who knew I loved grey this much!). I'll probably end up painting light beige. 

I also have the Ikea Malm rolling table and it's the most amazing purchase. Definitely consider it if you are lazy and eat a lot in bed like me. 

Adding this closet to the bedroom family and putting all my sleepwear in there.

I'm gonna figure out a way to somehow get rid of that wooden headboard on the bed and replace it with a turquoise tufted headboard in the style of the picture above to lighten things up. 

My dog is getting a new crate and I'm pimping it up for him. Xzibit PLEASE PIMP BRUCEY'S CRATE!!! 

I'm going with white shelves to display my books (which are like 3 lol), my future cactus plants and candles.

 

Next I want a fuzzy rug and to get rid of my traditional and boring nightstands and replace them with something smaller and cuter like those ones above from West Elm. 

Basically do you get the vibe I'm trying to set? I want it to be earthy but modern but me.

Bedroom To Do/Buy list:

1- Rug

2- Headboard

3- Closet

4- Shelves

5- Nightstands

6- Crate

7- Paint the walls

{Personal} 2015 Makeup Essentials

I'm embarrassed to admit that this collage took me at least two hrs

1- Hydra Life BB Eye Creme from Dior: Oooh this stuff is my holy grail! It has the perfect light coverage, looks natural and doesn't crease.

2- Nude concealer from Dior: Okay, so clearly I'm a big fan of Dior. It's totally worth the $$$, in my humble opinon. I slap this concealer on when I want more coverage than my daily BB creme.

3- Naked Skin Foundation from Urban Decay: This line reminds me a lot of Dior's Nude line which makes sense because they have similar names and came out around the same time. I first tried this foundation in 2012 and 3 years later it's still one of my favourites. It always makes me look young and fresh. And make up is so easy and smooth to apply on afterwards.

4- Studio Sculpt foundation from Mac: Ok so I wear this usually in the summer because I feel like it suits me best when I'm a little tanned. Finding the right tan shade for my skin is exhausting. I could never match my face (which is always a few shades lighter) to my neck but NC45 does the trick.

5- MUFE Eyebrow kit: I've tried every eyebrow filling recommendation online from Benefit to Mac to Anastsia eyebrow kit. But this is by far my favourite one! So if you are on the lookout for an eyebrow kit, be sure to check this one out!

6- Watt's Up highlighter from Benefit: This is TOO addictive! Every time I leave the house without highlighting my face I feel like something is seriously missing because it became such an important part of my daily make up routine. I slap some on under my eyebrows, cheekbones, nose bridge, cupid bow and teardrops. I'd bathe in it if I could. IT'S TOOOOOOOOO BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!

7- Gold Deposit Mineralize Skinfinish from Mac: I use this for special~ occasions and when I want my tanned skin to pop, I just slap it on my cheek bones.

8- Pinch Me blush from Mac: This blush is so gorgeous!!! I first tried it on at my friend's place and immediately fell in love and had to get it. It's so pink and sweet (??? If those are even the words to describe it). Just try it on! I feel like it's the kind of blush that is flattering on all skin tones.

9- Majorette creme blush from Benefit: Sometimes when I don't have the time or am too lazy to do my daily make up routine. I put minimal make up (like probably foundation, concealer and mascara) I like to fool the world by pretending I have dewy fresh tween skin. The trick to having dewy skin is using EVERYTHING CREME!!! You see what I'm trying to say? It just looks like your skin is breathing.

10- They're Real mascara from Benefit: BESTEST MASCARA IN THE WORLD AWARD GOES TO!!!! *DRUMROLL*!!!!! THEY'RE REAL!!! BY BENEFIT!!! Great job on creating this wonderful mascara. I remember I was wearing it for a funeral once and my cousin asked me in a mocking tone if i was wearing false lashes.... I felt so GREAT especially because she was trying to insult me >:) I was like nah bitch They're Real! So this is only review you need to go buy them.

11- Contour Clubbing waterproof black eye pencil from Bourjois: It's a waterproof black pencil... what is there more to say... and it's easy on the pocket. Idk Bourjois continuously impresses me year after year. It might be my favourite beauty drug store brand.

12- Favorite Mac Lipsticks: Heroine which is a beautiful, flattering shade of violet and is matte but also not rough on the lips. Another one is Rebel which is my favourite lipstick to wear during the winter or whenever I want to look like I could whoop your ass if you fuck with me. What I love about both those lipsticks are that they're a statement of their own. It's like an entire make up look.

13- Bourjois Velvet line lipsticks: I'm so glad I came across this line, all their colours are so rich and opaque! The colour stays on forever and even though it has a velvet matte finish it's also very hydrating so it doesn't dry out your lips after a couple of hours. My personal favourites are; Nude-ist which is honestly my favourite nude lipstick thus far. I even prefer it over Kinda Sexy by Mac. Another one is Personne Ne Rouge which is the perfect shade of red with blue undertones that makes my teeth look super white.

14- MUFE Primer: I'm not entirely sure what this thing exactly does but every time I put it on after my make up it makes everything look so much better and put together. So Much Better & Put Together.

15: Prep/Finish Spray: Dew me from Urban Decay to give you that dewy finish and Prep + Fix from Mac to make it all last longer and look like you have fresh make up.

16- Rocking Body Leg Shine from Victoria's Secret: So this isn't exactly make up or supposed to go on your face and I don't exactly put it on my face but I like to smear a little on my cleavage lol and arms and legs~. It makes me feel like a very petite bond girl.

ME & MY HOMEY: Closet room

This has got to be the worst decor post in the universe but I finally painted my closet-room, got a little chair that I grew to hate. Still missing a couch, throw pillows, velvet chair, curtains & a marble table. I think I'm also going to change my vanity mirror/table as soon as I get some $$$.

My pets will soon break this long mirror.

Wall colour is my fave part of the entire room, tbh.

And here is my fancy dog jewellery collection~ which hides in a cute little white leather box.

I got this coke mirror not sure for what yet, I just thought it was really necessary.

I might just put a candle and a little flower pot.

xo

ME & MY HOMEY// IN THE CLOSET

yo yo yo, ok so since the living room is technically almost done and I have had a lot of time to think about my closet/girl escape room... I finally figured out what I want to do with it! I created a little inspiration board to follow. Basically, I want it everything to be minimal since I have very limited space to work with BUT at the same time I want all the stuff to look a little expensive~ by adding delicate golden touches~ lol I hate myself.

The walls will be painted faux concrete and I'm going to go with a floral or leather couch, most likely floral because I have pets running around and there is a 90% chance that I will destroy that couch by burning holes into it.

I am going to be on the hunt for a white Parisian wooden vanity, fuzzy off-white carpet to add a little warmth, big giant golden framed mirror, mannequin, hand figure, oval golden glass table, velvet chair and finally light/white wooden shelves to display my cameras and candles.

I'm seriously considering painting the inside of the door fluorescent yellow. I feel like it would look so edgy and would be such a great contrast to the colour scheme.

Sorry about all the douchey terms.

DEPRE$$ION & DOLLA $IGNS

And I am completely fine with that for the first time in years. I am finally okay with accepting that these feelings are a part of me. I've been okay for the longest time in years and it finally feels normal & I no longer feel the need to dodge my cynical depressing self.

 I have also been under copious amount of stress during work over inconsequential things and was being constantly berated for things that aren't my fault. Too much negativity and hardly any appreciation from top management. I was pretty much in high school hell with 40+ year old grown woman constantly trying to bully me at work for speaking "American". 

So now the awful work situation is left behind and I will sit on my butt and focus on me for a little bit but surely this little bit will turn into a lot o bit lol. GOD IDK I GOTTA FIGURE OUT SOMETHING I LIKE DOING BUT WHAT IF DOING NOTHING IS THE BEST IM AT!!!!

These bills aren't going to pay themselves though and I am a slave to corporate so who knows where I end up in life.

ME & MY HOMEY// State of Living Room Dreamin'

My living room is slowly coming together. I have a new couch, temporary coffee table, TV & the cutest lime green fridge. 

 I might go one shade darker on the walls depending on how everything is going to come together

(New fridge/painfully HD TV) 

A little obsessed with the chubby legs on this table. It's only KD 94 and is going to be mine very soon!

& finally my absolute favourite thing in the living room right now, my hand made key hanger.

There is a lot to be done still. Paint the window frames white because they're hideous and cheap looking, customise a sweet TV table, buy a new rug,  2 seater couch, hang wall art, buy 4 throw pills for the couches and get a curtain.

Work sucks, I know!

So April and May have been quite hellish thus I never really had much desire to post on this shit (BUT I'M STILL HOLDING ON TO IT BECAUSE I NEED TO KEEP TRACK OF MY MEDIOCRE SUCCESS, SO WHATEVZ). I left my job and I was having major problems with the tenants (never ever rent from a friend). However, right when I was about to give up on everything I managed to snag a job by total coincidence and luck. I have been working for a month and a week now and it's been HECTIC AS FUCK! I work a regular 9 to 5 job that makes me suicidal because nothing ends after 5, I keep getting phone calls, emails and messages that require immediate response and it makes me wish death upon myself. I also realized I cannot cope well under stress especially with my anxiety and panicy nature and that makes me question the importance of this job vs the money I get paid vs my mental health.

I also moved to a newer, cute apartment in a much nicer area! I have malls and restaurants around me. It's so cute and cozy but I'm still unpacking even though it's been about two weeks since I've moved in but I JUST CAN'T FIND THE ENERGY TO DO IT! Anxiety also toll on me and I shut off from the world and cut off all contact with my family for like a month because of my anxiety issues but I gathered up the courage to see them this weekend and it went much better than I expected.  I feel like 'family anxiety' for me comes from the fact that I am totally different around them and they don't know me AT ALL, so sometimes I feel like I'm sorta  living as two people and I don't know which one is "real". 

This weekend though was sort of a cleanse for me because I think I was going through a mild mental breakdown or something. I managed to hang clothes on two clothing racks (small steps, ya know?) and did some chores.

I'm going to try and force myself to stay in this job for at least a year and see where it goes from there. I'll probably lose my mind in a couple of months but I don't really have any other choice right now. I'm just going to challenge myself all while trying to balance seeing my friends and family and introducing new good habits to my life...  or maybe not.

SHIT I NEED TO GET DONE ONCE I GET PAID:

- bathroom accessories
- pay the rent
- buy curtains
- get mom to pay for my glass coffee table
- get a new laptop

bye xo 

NEWSFLASH: BETTIE IS A BITCH

Jeez, Betty! Calm the fuck down and get a hobby and stop being a horrible friend. 

LIFE UPDEETZ

The bad news is I'm very depressed but the good news is everyone's too busy with their lives for me to have to pretend otherwise. 

I did everything out of my comfort zone. I got a job, met new people, attempted social life (and actually kind of loved it), got my own place, paid for my food... Yet I have accomplished N O T H I N G. I just succeeded in living back home and regressing further into the emotional maturity and angst of a tween girl.

It sucks when you realize no matter how happy you are or how much therapy you do, it just takes one shitty thing to bring you back to that state of severe depression. I really doubt I can ever feel secure/happy/fulfilled in anything... Like I am just built to be sad or some fucked up shit. I AM CURSED.

I'm just trying to be happy and grateful for the people I have chosen to have in my life. I'll never ever forget those interactions, laughs, tears... etc. I had this revelation last night when I was wine drunk singing "Alright" 

I'm probably going to get Thai take out and drink some more and watch sad movies in my sweats and pretend that doing all of this was decision I made. 

Bedroom Inspo 4 bitches who love dark teal

 

  

This is the inspiration for my new bedroom. Hot, am I right? Can't wait to say bye bye to the Bieber purple walls in a month!

ADULT LIFE: NAH THANK YOU

It's been about three weeks since I started working at a real person 9 to 5 job. And let me tell you... it's been HELL trying to wake up at the butt crack of dawn. But my job is pretty laid-back so far because my boss is on holiday and won't come back until the end of this month. However, my co-worker is the Complete Opposite of me and is basically the exact kind of person I would never ever befriend in a million years. We share an office so I have to listen to her play Unbreak My Heart on repeat. I wish I was joking.

Unfortunately, I did the mistake of complaining about my coworker to my boss then I freaked out and begged him not to tell her in which he replied "I am the CEO!". Like, ain't nobody got time for your petty shit, whoops! And he gave a billion of assignments to finish as a punishment for my inability to grow up and get the fuck over myself.

I guess part of growing up is realizing that you have to coexist with people you are not very fond of.

Having a job also made me painfully aware of how awkward, introverted and robotic I am. I just can't for the life of me make genuine small talk that doesn't sound forced. I get anxious everyday in the elevator worrying about how I'm going to say good morning to the receptionists. GUYS, I'M NORMAL AND I HAVE REAL FRIENDS, I SWEAR! I'M SORRY, PLEASE DON'T THINK I'M WEIRD!!! I just don't want the staff to think I'm a baby who lacks social skills and wonder why and how I got the job and instead think "WOW! What a great addition to the company. She's lovely and charming. And also very cute!" 

Outside of work, I have been super overwhelmed with bills because now I am responsible for paying bills, rent and feeding and clothing myself. I don't really have it together yet, my place is a complete mess and I don't have a dining table to eat off of. BUT the kitchen is finally COMPLETE with a fridge, pizza maker, microwave, oven and basically all essential kitchen appliances. I can't help but feel so smug about all of this. I have done so much in such a short period of time. I'm also pretty amazed at my self control and spending habits recently. 

Realistically, I probably won't be happy until a year from now when I finally have enough money saved up to buy material shit and some make up. Also, by then, my skin would have been totally cleared up and soft as a baby's bum and my hair will look long, healthy and shiny.

My goals for February:

1- buy a dining table

2- buy a door frame to block noise

3- buy curtains for the living room

4- be a better daughter? 

Diane Kruger at the 2012 GQ Men of the Year Party

Shut up???????????????? Shut up?!?!?!?! SHUT UP?????

STYLE ICON: Denise Huxtable

Mmm mm mm

Denise was probably one of my first celebrity style crushes (Disney characters don't count, right?) and is still to this day a huge style influence of mine. I literally have the heart eyes emoji every time I catch an old episode.

She was very much a Young Independent Adult but Not Quiet there Yet and her style reflected on it. Baggy blazers that looked like they were stolen from her mom's closet,  unnecessary hats, shoulder pads and lots of accessories.

Not only was she a stylish fox but she did a fine job reppin' petite girls with big personalities. She's also cool in real life too, was married to Lenny Kravitz and took her top off for the Rolling Stones.

Mom jeans

Lots of plaids

Stolen mom blazer looks

Need this sweater REAL BAD!! 

Funnily enough, this episode is called 'One More Time'.

*All images belong to: Denise Huxtable Style